I have never been confident in how I looked, despite what others tell me. I feel I am nothing like other girls. My mother has been calling me fat and ugly since high school, my brother and husband say I shouldn’t listen but… I am not sure if I can’t.
One of the horrible side effects of my anxiety makes me over think everything, 500000000000 times a day, 7 days a week. I think about everything, in every possible meaning and scenario… sometimes I seriously hate my brain.
Khala said if I dressed more girly, maybe my mother would ‘jam a rock in it’ whatever that means. Alice and Emily just hug me, Una and Xero both tell me If only they could see them, then they would never think I was ugly again.
None of my alters look ‘human’, all of them if anything look like, as my previous therapist called it ‘monsters’. However, I myself has never seen them as such, yes, they look a little different, but that doesn’t give anyone a right to call them monsters. My father was a monster, the people who pretended to be my friend’s were monsters…
If anything, each of my alters represent something I’ve seen at some point in my life, though to be honest, Xero looks extremely similar to slender man and I am not sure how I would of seen that creepy pasta at age 3 to 6…
Una’s body is pale, her face looks like a wolfs except her eyes are wrapped up and she has horns. Her spine protrudes out of her back, making it look like a back piece to a dragon. Her arms and legs are both mechanical, bolted together with long, sharp talons as hands and feet. Her tail is scaled, and the spine still protrudes as it goes down to the scorpion like end.
Xero is a cross between jack skellington and slender man… His face is blank, but the entire thing is black and void of any face. His attire is similar to Jacks, except it looks more like a butlers. His hands are skeletal, with sharp points and he has 4 black tentacle looking things coming out of his back.
Alice is kind of like a water weird from Dungeons and Dragons, she’s basically made of water.
Emily is a phoenix, yes she is a fire bird.
Khala is honestly one that I only figured she was female because of what she’s like, she has no defining female features or genitals. She is white with black stitching, almost as if someone took a bunch of body parts and sew them into Khala. She has draconic wings, and a devil tail, she has curved black horns and very sharp fingernails that seem to change color depending on her mood. The same goes for her toe nails, there sharp, but they change to match her finger nails. She wears a tattered garment to sorta looks like a dress, and has long hair.
I guess we can say there humanoid shaped? But yeah. My current therapist said there forms are what made them more real to me as a child, since they did play with me when I was younger. To me its easier to speak to them in our safe haven when I can look at who I’m talking with.
We write, talk and even draw to communicate… but we always meet together every night at our safe haven when we all sleep, or at least on nights where my nightmares and night terrors don’t cause issues, but even when they do, someone always comes over to help me sleep.