Medication and DiD? O Boy…

When explaining this to people, they seem to never understand that it doesn’t always help. It can for me, but it doesn’t really do shit for Xero or anyone else…. Same with my sleep aid.
Explaining this to a doctor is like beating your head into a brick wall, “But they are you…” Yes… and they also cause the chemistry in my brain to change 180 degrees in another direction, causing the ‘me’ now to go away and one of my alters to take control.
I get sick and tired of explaining it… and my psychologist is the only one on this planet who seems to get it.

I take quite a few medications at night, I take 150mg of Zoloft, 10mg of Singular, Birth Control Pill, and 2mg of a beta blocker (I think it’s prizozen… but I may be spelling it wrong). Yes, I have a pill cutter and sorter, and I frankly don’t understand it myself, but it is starting to really tick me off when people don’t understand that medications are not a ‘fix’ for me.
They help ME, the core. They don’t do shit to my alters, and no one seems to understand this. When I was placed on Abilify, Limictal, and Ziprexa it caused me to switch so many times I didn’t know who the hell I was half the time… I use to have to ask my husband “Who am I…?” every hour, I felt like I was trapped inside a very terrible video game or something.

According to my psychologist, patients with DiD seem to have there entire chemistry of there brain alter when they switch, thus why they can see Alice’s inability to speak when she emerges. Due to this, chemical altering medication cannot do much if at all any, and most of the time it will do more harm then good. I learned this lesson first hand when I was misdiagnosed, and now, explaining how Zoloft doesn’t work for ‘everyone’ has made my psychiatrist want to put me on something stronger. I thought she’s worked with other DiD patients… doesn’t she know stronger is not going to change anything? Or it might even make things worse?

I guess this is also part of the reason we all have trust issues, everybody lies. It doesn’t matter who you are, even we lie sometimes. I guess it’s just the nature in all of us.

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