One of the things that really bothers me still, is how people think they understand but never really looked into DID. They say things with good intent, but they don’t seem to understand that it’s hurtful, or even why it is.
I have a psychiatrist who knows a bit about DID, however her on going ‘advice’ is starting to really tick off Una and me. She doesn’t understand why I still have my alters, she told me they are ‘out dated’ and ‘no longer needed’ because I’m an adult, and I should know how to do all these things and cope…. I need to just integrate them and be done with it. Saying it’s not a death but a birth….
Last time I checked, you didn’t have DID, or even went through the proper schooling about DID, what makes you think I am like a normal person?
I understand why she says these things, but honestly it was just painful. I realize I’m an adult, I realize I should be able to cope with most things… but I can’t. My brain is chemically and physically altered, my ability to handle stress is almost nothing. The alters to me, where the only real friends I had for many, many years. To me, if I was to re-integrate, I would be losing that sense of family. I don’t really see the benefits of it when it would cause more harm then good… I tried integration, it will not happen for me, my alters refuse and Xero really did not take it all that well…. I was in the hospital for almost 4 weeks.
My psychologist understands because she did the school for DID, she has worked with many DID patients. All the material I have read even says not all patients can have integration… and that’s not a bad thing
I tried to explain it to her, but she just repeats her words with a condescending tone, its almost like she’s trying to force me to believe her words… but it just might be us… who knows. So why can’t she just let me go on my journey without criticizing it? Una and Xero both want to find a new psychiatrist…. I’m starting to think we might have too if she keeps this up….. Emily is on the verge 0f doing something and Una is on the verge of saying something that might make us get kicked out anyways… guess we’ll see.