Razors Edge

Last Tuesday I went to get my biopsy area looked at, due to the fact it was still oozing and was swollen red still. They told me it could be Mrsa or Staph, and ran blood tests. I am allergic to the antibiotics they would use for both… so it was tough. Luckily it was Staph, but it didn’t make things any less harder.

Xero threw a fit, saying he told us, but we wouldn’t listen. He tried to hurt himself, but the blade was too dull to do any real damage. The short time Una took control, she called my brother and had him come over. He had to pry the blade out of Xero’s hands and lingered until my husband came home, explained the situation, then went home. My husband was extremely understanding, and once Xero realized his plans were spoiled, he finally gave back control. My hand looks like a cat attacked it, which is better than normal. My fever spiked on Thursday night up to 102.9, causing not only me to be in bed for almost a week and a half, but the others to be down and out as well. We have never done sick well, the others have a harder time with it than I do, and I still don’t handle it well.
We talked to Gail our psychologist, turns out I have 6 altars, not 5. She said that according to Alice, her name is Rina, and she is also a little one. She can speak, but cannot read or write. My psychologist thinks she is a piece of Alice that split off, the victim part.
I confirmed this yesterday, while my husband and I were playing a video game together. He began to get frustrated with the game and it freezing randomly, he yelled and cursed at it which never bothers me. However, the moment he relapsed into beating up his keyboard something just snapped within me. He told me there was a loud thud, which startled him, and when he turned around, Rina was under my desk rocking back and forth, saying over and over: I’ll be a good girl, I won’t do it ever again, please don’t hurt me I promise I will be good.

He said it took over an hour for me to come back, and told me he spoke to her, and found her name was Rina, and she was 7 years old. Now that she is with the others, she resembled the flower plants from little shop of horrors, except she uses the vines to slide across the ground. Her and Alice are happy playing together, they both decided to room together as well. I am glad Alice has someone… I always feel bad when I leave, the others go off and do their own thing, and she is always left alone…
My body is still weak from being so sick, and Xero is on lock down for breaking the rules. Khala helped me clean today, surprisingly. She seems to have grown a little, I’m glad and happy for her, now if only we could get her t0 understand emotion more… that would be fantastic.
I finally told my parents in law about my diagnoses as well. I haven’t heard back, so I am slightly worried. I am tired of keeping it a secret from everyone… especially the parts of my family who honestly do love and care about me. I lost 4 people today as well because of their ignorance…
They told me they understood and wouldn’t ever be afraid of me, however, the moment Una was triggered, they tuck tail and run. I am so sick and tired of it, the lies, the uneducated, the ignorants… I’m just done with it. I only kept the people who really do love and care, and got rid of the rest… I’m fine with that. My husband was proud of how I handled it, and I frankly and proud of myself as well. We’re slowly learning how to function within the real world… Una wasn’t even mean to them, she DEFENDED the person who left because of her and the others… it’s sad really, but I guess we learned our lesson. Una herself even stated she was never going to defend someone again unless she knows for a fact they are well aware and unafraid of all of us… not just her.

14 thoughts on “Razors Edge

  1. It’s hard to lose people. Either they are skeptical or frightened. It’s hard for most people to wrap their minds around DID. I’ve learned that it’s easier alone. Your husband sounds like a strong and loving man.

  2. My husband is the only person who never tucked his tail and ran from us, the first time he ever met them, he looked at me and said, “And?” He accepted each one as they where, and loves us all. I can’t even begin to tell you how much he has done to help us… and how lost we all would be without him.

  3. Yeah, I have 6 at the moment who are active within my life, I know of at least 2 who have ‘poofed’ as the others call it. But I am happy I still have the other 6.

  4. Yes ^^;
    I have Xero. He’s a mix of fear, my flight response, paranoia and the gut feeling you get in bad situations. He tends to freak out over things and is pretty OCD, but he cares about us all.

    I had another alter for a long time too, but I don’t think he is around anymore. Una says he is, but I haven’t heard or seen him in a very long time

  5. Got it! As the EMDR treatments progress I discover different alternates. It guess the way it works is that alternates grow alternates. It’s like living in a shower stall with a family of 12 (or more)

  6. I cannot do EMDR or Hypnotherapy… Last few times I did it, I ended up destroying the therapists offices each time…
    Emily doesn’t like it when Locks are by passed, it means something is wrong and she needs to defend us, so I was deemed as ‘to dangerous’ to do those treatments with…

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