Standing Still

I had a friend stay the night last night, it was extremely hard, she still hasn’t met all of them… and she says that she will never tuck tail and leave. However, I’ve heard it over and over from others, and they still ran away. I explained that paranoia to her, but she smiled and told me she understood. I really do hope she won’t run, she is the first female I have found, who understands at an extremely close level of our understanding….
We don’t feel alone in our battle anymore.

She has her own set of problems; stuff with children, family, legal, illness… etc. But she and I seem to have this, deeper more personal understanding of our situations than anyone else, even deeper than my husbands, which tends to annoy him. He doesn’t like it, and we’ve argued a few times about it, but I still stand my ground… she’s the first female who sees the world the way we do.
We have one other person who seems to also share that bond, but he lives more than an hour from us, so it’s hard. She lives less than 10 minutes. I still speak to him, frequently about things I can’t really discuss with my husband… honestly, I am still waiting for him to read my book, and every time I ask, I am told ‘I need to be in a reading mood’…

Una is starting to get fed up, Xero and Emily are still arguing about our friend’s ex who seems to threaten people, and eventually, he will find me. Xero says we should cut all ties, Emily says we have protection and her… and frankly all of us but Xero agree with Emily. We have never run from someone who needs help, we have always helped those who are fighting, Xero knows that however lately he seems to be more selfish. I’m trying to figure out why, but he seems adamant on not explaining himself…
Rina and Alice seem happy now that they are together, I think Alice doesn’t feel as alone as before, which I am very happy about.
Khala and I seem to be on a better understanding of money again, she is slowly understanding why what she did was wrong, and why her budget has been severely reduced.

Even though I’m making progress… I feel like I’m just frozen, standing still as I watch the world around me move. I remain unchanged as everything ages, dies, is born again, and so on… I am unsure on how to handle this. I see a neurologist finally in September, hopefully, they can help with these horrible migraines I seem to get from the micro switches and forced switching… They don’t mean it, but they can’t seem to fix it themselves…I don’t blame them, I never can. I just hope these friendships we have managed to make stay around for a very, very long time…

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