Fed To The Den Of Wolves….

So, I had my ADA meeting today with my place of employment. Last Monday my supervisor told me not to bring my PSA with me to work, and I explained it was my legal right and he told me “Now, don’t bring the law into this. I have been nothing but supportive of you.”
Una almost had a meltdown. He lost all trust we had by belittling is like we didn’t understand…. We did bring the our PSA without telling them, but I thought I was legally allowed after I finished his certifications… but anyways…
Then today was the icing on the cake sadly.

I was late sadly due to traffic, but I got there and gave them my psychologist note and my doctors note saying its medically needed for me. Even with all that, I was told by this ‘ADA advocate’ “I can’t tell you yes or no… we have to ask corporate.”
1) I don’t work in an area that is considered ‘sterile’ according to my own SUPERVISOR.2) Allergy is not a reason to deny my PSA… its says so in the ADA laws…

But basically I was told to not bring him until they give me an answer. He asked if there was any other way we can ‘avoid’ bringing my PSA… and I told him ‘well… replace my brain with a healthy one.’ and he didn’t like Una’s sarcasm, but what else are we suppose to say? “I’m being serious…” “Well so am I… I didn’t chose to be like this, I’m stuck with this the rest of my life.”
So after that honestly shit show… I went and sat with my mother, she isn’t getting involved which is better… but as my mother she agreed I need my PSA… Then my supervisor came back, knocked on the door and said “the ADA advocate thought of another solution.” So I went into the office and closed the door, thinking this would be productive…
O god did I not realize the hell we where walking into.
He began asking me about my alters, what there purpose was, what there functions are, and if any of them are self-mutilators. I told him my PSA helps with my nervous ticks (picking at my legs and fingers) but he said “No I want to know which alters hurt themselves.” Because he kept pressuring me to answer, I caved and said “I have 2 that self punish.” The he said the one thing we all lost it on…

I need to know this by law, because I want to make sure you are not a danger to the workplace or the patients.

I tried to speak up, but he kept talking over me, I busted into tears and told him if he has more questions to speak to my psychologist and I ran out of the office. I called my psychologist and left a message, then I called my husband. He tried extremely hard to keep me calm, but I ended up bawling in my car. He asked if he needed to come down, but I told him Una can drive.
Una got us all home safe, then we bawled a bit more with my husband. When my psychologist called me back and I told her what happened, she was pissed. She said for me to wait to speak to anyone from there about anything until she speaks with her legal advisor about the situation… apparently the advisor broke more then a few laws during that meeting according to her, and the fact they treat my DID like it’s nothing is starting to rub her the wrong way.

I’m tired of everyone looking at me like I’m so animal, or that I’m a lair, or that I’m a danger to everyone… did you idiots ever stop to think maybe the one in danger is me? I’m triggered by smells, sounds, situations… for gods sake I was triggered by something I didn’t even pick up, ALICE DID.
If I could snap my fingers… I would be normal. But that’s not how things work, and my siblings are all I have right now who are helping me stay calm… but I just…. I’m so numbed out, and we’re all in chaos.


I don’t know what to do… for the first time, none of us know what the hell we’re suppose to do… My sanctuary is starting to fucking crumble apart again…

2 thoughts on “Fed To The Den Of Wolves….

  1. My psychologist said to wait until she spoke to her legal advocate since she pays them for stuff like this… Then she said if they say to proceed she will help me do so. My husband also wants to sue, I just… I don’t really know how to handle the siduation at all….

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