Pain

It’s been a bit, we have been busy with so much.
Our school gave us the name of a legal advocate, with there help we filed a complaint and from what she tells me they are already back peddling pretty fast. Serves those people right.
We got accepted into college finally, however we are still not really sure how well it will go… so we are starting with one or two classes and then if we feel okay, we’ll add more. My PSA got accepted by my work, so I can bring him.

All in all we are surviving. Sadly yesterday a dear friend of mine started her legal battle with CPS… and it sparked…. memories. I wasn’t sure what was happening at first, but then I tried everything I could to suppress it… I wasn’t ready. My husband said I was Rina the rest of the night, she tried to take pills, cut herself, etc….
She seemed extremely suicidal, and I wasn’t sure why, no one really was. Alice ended up taking some control, causing Rina to cry in the corner. My husband said he was glad Alice stopped her… but it opens up another realm of questions for us.

Why?
I never thought I had a suicidal alter… let alone feelings like that. I know Alice helps me suppress a lot of my self mutilation tenancies, so maybe she helps suppress that side as well?
No one is really sure, not even Alice herself.

Rina did manage to cut pretty deep, but thankfully I have a husband who is extremely patient and helpful… despite the fact Rina can be extremely hard to deal with.
I’m hoping my throbbing skull will calm soon… and the fact my side burns isn’t helping… I know it’s not our faults, but for some reason I can’t help feel it is, at least, my fault. I should of been able to help Rina, I should of been able to suppress those memories….
But I guess we can’t always do/have what we want and need…..

2 thoughts on “Pain

  1. I’m really glad you have your husband. It sounds like he is really on your side which is awesome. And I’m sorry things felt out of control with Rina feeling suicidal (Rina, I get it, and that’s a pain of its own kind), and new memories popping up. New Memories popping up are always really hard for me to deal with. There is no “should”– you did the best you could then and you survived, and you are doing the best you can now. And that’s more than enough. Sending good thoughts and support. Safe hugs if that is okay. Xx

  2. Thank you, our side stings, but he’s been extremely supportive. We all are extremely thankful for our husband… he honestly help’s every one of us cope. To be honest I didn’t even realize she was until then, Alice said she suppresses it mostly, but do to the vault opening it was hard to do damage control.
    Thank you… safe hugs are fine, we all love hugs (except for Emily… she just tends to not like anyone haha)

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