The Time Is Neigh

I received the phone call from the Attorney Generals Office, Civil Rights Division. My whole body shook when I spoke to the woman on the phone, she kept telling me it was okay, but the shaking in my voice seemed to indicate otherwise to her.
It was hard to talk to her. Hard to really discuss things that where happening, and still happening to me in my work environment. However, the die is cast now, I can’t take this back… it’s time to stand and watch the giants fall.
My intake meeting is set up for Monday… I’m still just… terrified. My husband says it’s a good thing I’m doing, but the way I feel tells me otherwise. The siblings are agitated, Una snapped at a close friend, Emily was up in the middle of the night, and Alice seems to be numbing me out entirely. Xero was on a horror movie kick, and Rina sat under my husbands desk and cried….

Nothing is working out at this time.

I hope everything evens out, and I gain some sense of balance within my world again, but lawsuits and going after the ‘bad people’ is extremely stressful… regardless of who you are or what your doing it for. On Monday I will be able to give a bit better descriptor, as of right now I just… I need that light at the end of the tunnel, rock-bottom is hard to navigate in the dark…


Gail is on vacation this week, so I am sadly without my psychologist. This been extremely hard, last night I dealt with nightmares all night, and a rather agitated Alice and Emily. Today was just about the same…
Was on my bathroom floor again, trying to sit in darkness as my head felt like someone took a rail road spike and slammed it into my eye and head. Rocking back and forth I cried… my husband was at work, so there was no one who could really help. It’s extremely vexing when the insurance company refuses to give me a PRN that not only stops these migraines, but stops them within 15 minutes of taking it. Instead I sit on my bathroom floor for 4+ hours and cry because the pain is almost unbearable.

But thus is life…

Emily and Alice both have been having nightmares, we have just barely begone the memory diving… so the side effect is memory vaults are harder to keep shut. It just sucks Gail left for an entire week.
I am currently trying to find a Lawyer who wont charge me a shit ton of money to go after my place of employment for discrimination and an ADA complaint. However finding that Lawyer is another challenge entirely. I’ve had to pull out my PSA’s list of jobs multiple times now, seems just because I don’t ‘look’ disabled means I am… it’s extremely hard to deal with, however my husband has been amazing. He seems to go into attack mode when this happens, lecturing about how not all disabilities are visible, etc. Makes me giggle every-time, and makes me not feel as bad for having to show proof.

I guess I always had this belief if I was disabled that meant something bad, but over the last few weeks, my view on that has changed. I have something I had no control over getting… and yes, I’m stuck with it the rest of my life, but, who cares? I am getting the help I need, my siblings and I are starting to get along a bit better and work out new rules, I’m seeing the right doctors for other issues…
To be honest, I think I am slowly starting to embrace the fact I am considered disabled, and that doesn’t mean anything bad.
Now if only I can survive this week without my psychologist, I will feel damn invincible.

Back From A Long Hiatus


I recently have returned from a rather long Hiatus. My last ADA meeting was not that great, they resended my service animal, and claimed they had evidence to prove he was a danger to the work place, then refused to give me this evidence.
I have had an extremely hard time with this, I am treated like the black plague that has descended onto my place of employment, but my husband has been extremely helpful and supportive. He got a recommendation from a coworker, so I am waiting for the lawyer to reach out to me. She apparently is very good, so I hope she can help us. All I really want is my service animal… there’s a reason why he’s a PSA, why I busted my butt to get him trained and certified. The jobs he performs are not just for me, but for my alters as well.

I went and saw my Neurologist, he pulled me off the Topemax (sorry for mispell if it is) due to me going into extremely bad tachycardia. I have now been placed on Depicote, I won’t know if its working for another week and a half. My insurance company is fighting me on my PRN, Replex. They say I can’t have it, so my Neurologist is trying to prove to them I do… I sat on my bathroom floor on Friday night and cried, rocking back and forth for 10 hours. My husband didn’t know what to do for me, and because I was refused my PRN, my migraine was devastating.
My psychologist is on vacation this week, and it’s extremely hard without her. My father was placed in the hospital for internal bleeding, however I received news he is out of surgery and stable, the stress of everything seems to pile up right when you lest need it.
I am behind on all my bill payments… and I might lose my job since they are now trying to fire me somehow. All and all, we are all agitated, Emily had been helping out a bit more lately, so it hasn’t been as bad.
I’m hoping things will even out… due to the stress my sleep patterns are screwed up again as well…