Revelations

Gail is on vacation this week, so I am sadly without my psychologist. This been extremely hard, last night I dealt with nightmares all night, and a rather agitated Alice and Emily. Today was just about the same…
Was on my bathroom floor again, trying to sit in darkness as my head felt like someone took a rail road spike and slammed it into my eye and head. Rocking back and forth I cried… my husband was at work, so there was no one who could really help. It’s extremely vexing when the insurance company refuses to give me a PRN that not only stops these migraines, but stops them within 15 minutes of taking it. Instead I sit on my bathroom floor for 4+ hours and cry because the pain is almost unbearable.

But thus is life…

Emily and Alice both have been having nightmares, we have just barely begone the memory diving… so the side effect is memory vaults are harder to keep shut. It just sucks Gail left for an entire week.
I am currently trying to find a Lawyer who wont charge me a shit ton of money to go after my place of employment for discrimination and an ADA complaint. However finding that Lawyer is another challenge entirely. I’ve had to pull out my PSA’s list of jobs multiple times now, seems just because I don’t ‘look’ disabled means I am… it’s extremely hard to deal with, however my husband has been amazing. He seems to go into attack mode when this happens, lecturing about how not all disabilities are visible, etc. Makes me giggle every-time, and makes me not feel as bad for having to show proof.

I guess I always had this belief if I was disabled that meant something bad, but over the last few weeks, my view on that has changed. I have something I had no control over getting… and yes, I’m stuck with it the rest of my life, but, who cares? I am getting the help I need, my siblings and I are starting to get along a bit better and work out new rules, I’m seeing the right doctors for other issues…
To be honest, I think I am slowly starting to embrace the fact I am considered disabled, and that doesn’t mean anything bad.
Now if only I can survive this week without my psychologist, I will feel damn invincible.

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