Frustration

Cigna keeps asking for more things, and it’s starting to take its toll. Gail finally gave them my entire chart, hoping that would be enough to make them happy….
Why can’t people just understand I NEED my service animal for more then just psychiatric stuff? He is also a Medical Alert Dog… if they just let me have him I would be able to work with no issues and be amazing.
O well…

Recently someone decided to pick up my medication without letting me know, it was a medication I cannot just stop. So it was a race to find it, and after I did, I told everyone I wouldn’t be mad or anything, I just needed to know if they meant to do this to help, or to play a trick.
Khala told me she wanted to help, but got distracted when she got back home. So I told her in the future, maybe we can do it together. I am proud of her, as of late she has been doing some maturing. It’s making progression much easier.

Recently I have looked at my ‘life playlist’, a list of songs I match to events and alters, trying to piece which song matches to what event or alter. Surprisingly it’s a lot harder then I thought it would be. We all had to help each other, and piece together an almost 5 page word document. The next step? We plan to write descriptions. Gail thinks it would be a good start to have a project we all can collaborate on, and if it’s to hard for one of us to do the description, we move onto a easier song.
I am not entirely sure why this is helpful, but we all agreed to do it.
She also asked us to call hospitals outside of banner, and find out if a Service Dog would be allowed for employees and patients. She wants me to see if every MRI department would say no, or if Banner is being a jack ass.

I have a job interview this week, so I am just hopeful that I can just get out of banner, and continue my lawsuit, without them all hovering and making me feel like garbage for having something I had no choice in…
I will never forget that. They basically tell me to ‘control it’ or ‘get better already’… If you have never read any material on DID or done research, then you have NO ROOM to talk. We can’t control what triggers us, we can’t control who has to come out and when AND for how long… NO I CANNOT CONTROL THE ALTER WHOSE OUT…. askdljfhaserlkjfnasrelgn…..

Apologies… that’s that most frustrating thing I ALWAYS get asked… People with DID have no control over what there alters do when there active. I have always tried to make it a rule between all of us that it will be reported to the collective, regardless if it was good or bad. So that the core can deal with it if needed, or if someone else has too.
They all have been doing this more frequently, including me. We all seem to be functioning a bit better with the help we are getting from Gail, and of course the fact Merlin makes us feel safe 10000000000000000000000000000% of the time, it makes switches last not as long and he even provents 95% of the switches, just because it isn’t 100% Banner said no? Whatever. The fact he’s at 95% is better then I have EVER been…. seriously.

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