In Circles

Apologies, it’s been a while.

To pick up from where my last post was, that day my husband came home and said that this person called him at work. He told me how unreasonable I was being, and how I was in the wrong. I let him read everything between me and the person, however all I got was ‘I guess I kind of see where you’re coming from, but you’re over reacting.’
That phrase just made me sting in pain, I told him I was sorry I couldn’t understand his point of view, but he just decided to not speak to me anymore.
I called my best friend, she helped me remain calm enough to figure out my plan for the night. I went and stayed with my mother, there dog seems to hate everyone, I also got to skype with my best friend.
I wasn’t able to sleep, at all. The next morning at 5AM I left and went home, husband was already gone, but I tried everything I could to remain busy…. then suddenly the wire just broke.
I attempted to kill myself, though the first blade I used was horrible, I went to get a better one and low and behold my husband suddenly walks in. I don’t remember much, he told me I tried to take the car keys, I wanted to try and OD but he took my meds, I tried to electrocute myself, and even tried not taking my meds… but he said if he had to take me to the hospital to IV feed them to me I he would.
He never once called my psychologist, or even tried to get me help. He just watched me like a hawk. The next day he sat down and talked to me about it, he apologized for acting the way he did, I still wasn’t in a great place.
I didn’t really get better until a few days ago, well completely feeling better anyways. Xero’s depression levels have stabilized after that, he’s back to his normal self. Vera says Xero was probably the one behind the suicidal feelings, but then again I can’t really blame him…. the whole situation hits hard. Alice and Una have fixed Rok’s prison, he seems to be resting peacefully again.

This last week and a half have been extremely hard on me. I have tried many times to tell myself it’s alright…. but honestly? It’s really not. I wish I could make others understand, instead of this all being if-you-have-it-you-understand sort of deal. It’s frustrating and aggravating, and sometimes I wish I could just live in my dark hole until the apocalypse… but sadly it doesn’t work like that.

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