I feel sometimes I’m to toxic for people, with alters and on top of that my trust issues run so deep it’s hard to let sleeping dogs lie. I realized this with my dear friend, I said I was having a hard time believing she would indeed return, and she said I flounced her trust into her face and made her feel like our friendship was nothing.
I told her that she didn’t need to say anything else, and that it was apparent I was the toxic one. And I told her goodbye. I love her with all my heart and soul, and I just… lost it.
She called me, and we yelled, cried and talked it out. I felt like a terrible person for what I put her through. But she and I both discussed why I freaked out how I did, and she explained to me in better detail why she had to step back. It was a great weight lifted from me, she told me if I needed her, she is still here for me and will talk to me. The anxiety that swarmed around me finally dissipated, and I felt so relieved I wouldn’t be losing my best friend, my soul sister.
Today I can finally get health insurance that covers my doctors and medication. My special enrollment one didn’t even cover my doctors let alone half my medications (the ones I REALLY need mind you). Thanks to some digging I was able to get my medication manufacturers discount cards. So I was able to just pay a copay and whatever amount the discount card said, for example Relplax is 435$ for 30 pills… with the card I pay 4$. So hopefully I can just get everything back on track, I am going to try and apply for SS Disability, my psychologist agrees I may not be able to hold a real job here, mostly due to the strict standards of a red state. Even if my Service Dog is for Medical Alert, I have been denied job offers because of it. Here people seem to think because I have him, I’m getting off easy or whatever… have about 3 people a month get in my face and say how dare I abuse the system. I guess it doesn’t help that our president thinks people like me should be locked up forever… o well.