Lately my need to draw and create art has been extremely high, I think mostly because it’s a great stress relief. However as of late I have been thinking more in depth about our life and where to go from here.
School is a pain, mostly due to the fact of no money and the US is a pain in the ass when it comes to financial aid. Starting a family isn’t going to work due to the fact I can’t be off my medications long enough to be pregnant without bad side effects. Traveling or anything requiring money is a no no, well… mostly due to the fact I can’t work and be society’s version of normal to even hold a job…
So we all sat down today, and we talked about it. Mostly because I myself was having issues with it, and due to the fact I can’t really contact my psychologist unless it’s a crisis, it was something I thought maybe my system could help with. Now let me explain something, we talk every day about random things. It’s not like I don’t like talking to them, however we all have differences in what ‘living life’ is.
Surprisingly my alters where rather helpful about this subject. Though I can’t do the things I originally dreamed of, I can create new dreams and achieve them in time.
Vera and Una both where extremely helpful, they said if one door is closed, it doesn’t mean I can’t find an open one. If I can’t be pregnant, then I could adopt someday. If I can’t be in school now, then maybe I try and aim for one online class a semester until I can afford more, if I can’t have a job now I will probably be able too in the future and so on.
It was extremely reliving. Feeling like I was dead to society because I can’t follow there version of normal was idiotic on my part, however understandable. We all want to be normal… from the depressed to the psychotic.
Honestly I couldn’t tell you what I would of been willing to give to be normal… however now, it seems with the help of my alters, we have a plan on how to be our own version of normal.
It may not be perfect, we may have set backs, but it makes me hopeful.
Emily and Z both encouraged me to keep making art, Vera also said she loves to see what I create. It felt kind of nice that they like my artwork… I tend to think it’s not good enough. I’ve tried Deviant Art and such, however I never get anyone to tell me my art is good, only that it tends to suck.
It’s stupid to seek validation, but I guess I’m only human right?