Truth of My Youth

Holidays have always been extremely hard for us. Having to pretend everything okay, smile and laugh, etc. Playing family is one of our least favorite things to do, however it seems its a must.
This year was hard, my husband is afraid of my mothers dog, we don’t blame him. She almost bit him, then almost bit me while trying to bite him… so I guess you could say she has really bad issues. I understand why she wanted her, however I don’t think it was the smartest idea too. When that dog bites someone, and I really mean when, it will either be someone understanding, or someone who will report them.

After Christmas has been… hard. We’re extremely restless, mostly due to the fact we finally get to go see Gail again next week. It’s been extremely hard not being able to see her since August… so everyone is pretty happy about it. We’re also glad to see our neurologist, he was extremely upset we were denied for Social Security, so he said our plan this year is to get a more defined diagnosis, so they can’t just assume I have diabetes, after they saw I’ve been tested for it a few times…
Our PCP does blood tests every other year to make sure my numbers are okay, she does this mostly because of the internal damage that was done when I was taking the wrong medications… and gained so much weight it did change my body dynamic. She said she wants to make sure I’m not in danger of anything, and to make sure my numbers and such are within tolerable ranges.
Plus my Neurologist does blood testing when he feels it’s needed to make sure my Depicote levels are where they need to be… and he tests for things that could effect my nerves, i.e. diabetes and such.
We’re pretty happy to finally go and get everything done. Having insurance and not having to pay a fortune for medications will be amazing… its been the hardest part of this whole process.

Things have also been starting to even out for us, we stopped trying to please the world, we have began to talk more about taking care of my body, trying to make sure we have things to do and people to talk with. It’s been a slow going process, but it’s starting to boil down to where I have only a few extremely close friends, and that’s all I really need. They will be there for me regardless, they want to see me, talk to me… be there for me. It’s nice, because after so many years of being the only person giving, it’s nice to be on the receiving end.
We all think this year will be better. So here’s to hoping.

See you all next year.

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